Ends

I have been struggling so much the past couple weeks. I feel like I am trying so hard but can't make the ends all meet. What do you do in those moments when you don't have enough to give?

I have felt pressure on all sides. I feel relationship pressures, financial pressures, school pressures, issues people have with me. I honestly feel like I am not the right person for this.

Recognize

I can only recall two times in my life where I have felt a Power greater than me speak through my words. I'm not talking about when I have shared my beliefs and testimony because I feel the Lord's spirit at those times & it brings peace, comfort, and joy. This is a different kind of experience where I feel great strength in one sentence and a force that is more than me. The first time was when I was defending someone I cared about to someone else who was irrational and controlling. It took me back at the power my words brought and the reverent and bowed-down reaction after. Tonight I felt it again when defending truth of a group of people I love dearly to a different controlling source. It takes me back with how awesome the experience is and how much God supports freedom and charity and is against manipulation & people who seek control. I am grateful I could recognize the power being bigger than me. I know Heavenly Father knows me. <3

My Mind

I think I'm going  mad! Two mornings ago I was getting ready for the day and that's when I talk to myself in my head and figure out all my plans and responsibilities for that day. That morning the voices that are in my head going over everything referred to me in third person... one said "I'm sure she will remember that", referring to me remembering something I needed to do later that day!!! What the heck is that all about?!?!

Then, yesterday I went to get a soda at the Sonic drive-thru. One of the young men from our church who is about 18 brought it out to me. I honestly don't know what I was trying to say but as he asked if I needed anything else what came out of my mouth was "no, son". I was so embarrassed!!! I am not even old enough to be his mom and by saying it I felt so old! hahaha

Texas, My Love

Texas makes me happy everyday. 

"Waters of Shiloah"

My life is surrounded with the "waters of Shiloah".

They represent the continuous tender care that the Lord provides for his people as he seeks to lead them with gentle promptings of the Spirit.

<3
Isaiah 8
2 Nephi 18

The Miracle of Love

The amazing thing about love is that it doesn't require you take from one to love another. Love is added upon. This is the miracle. Your heart enlarges with more to give. I was pondering this tonight in reference to my children. I remember being concerned right before Kensington was born that I wouldn't be able to love the new baby possibly as much as I loved Braelyn. My heart couldn't fathom how love truly works. Then I was astounded when Ken came how miraculous it was that my heart grew instantly with just as much love for both. I didn't take any away from Brae. Each of my babies are special & I love them all equally. This concept is how Heavenly Father loves all His children with the same love & how each are different, yet divinely special.

May I Always Remember

When Cali started school Bella was 3 and was home with me during the day. The time flew by and left me with a sweet memory of how we would come home in the mornings and she would drink her juice on the couch and watch Dora. I really missed that as she got older.

Now, Bentley is two. Most everyday this summer he and I would sit at least once a day on the couch and watch Einsteins, while he had a cup of juice and we would cuddle. He puts his little feet in between my legs and sometimes when I am lucky he wraps his fingers around a couple of mine. In those moments life doesn't get any better. And sometimes when he sits on the floor and watches Einsteins (notice how we are getting further and further away from the worst show ever, Yo Gabba Gabba) I will come spoon around him and lay there and watch him watch. I love him so much. He has captured my heart in every way. And even though he is horribly cranky and stubborn I know this time will quickly pass and I am soaking up the small moments. <3