I believe certain events in our daily lives remain in our sub-conscience and we dream about it. Last week I read something on Facebook about how at times our dreams are so good we don't want to wake up. Then, yesterday I was texting an old friend about the words "i love you" and how I missed hearing those words. So, I guess these two were both on my mind as I slept. I woke up this morning happy! I had this amazing dream that I was dating who appeared to be "Channing Tatum". Yep! Should I indulge in details. Oh yes please. I don't often dream about dating Channing.
Two things stood out.
1) we had the most passionate embrace (calm down Aunt Bert and mom) in front of a parked car in the street on a bridge and I jumped (into his arms, not off the bridge) and he held me and I whispered in his ear while leaning my head on his shoulder that "I've loved you for a long time" and it was real and deep. I was very attracted to him.
obviously. duh.
2) (loved this part too) I walked into a room and he was sitting at a table with his friends and all the chairs were taken. He "beckoned" me to sit on his knee. (heart melting still) It meant a lot to me bc he wanted me there with him and his friends. He wanted me.
Dang hard to wake up after that one!! Honestly though I seek someone who loves me and my babes, someone I'm attracted to, and someone who will be faithful to me. I'm not looking for C.T.... he's taken anyway...
Friday, September 14, 2012
Laugh Out Loud
"Cali just gave me a vicious massage and almost killed my life."
I die laughing when the baby comes on dancing! Every time I watch it. Good stuff!!
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Not Living
I don't feel like I'm living. I'm always so stressed out and trying to just survive. How do I "live" in this? The last month has been ridiculous. I have been struggling so bad emotionally and transitioning to being much busier. I struggle with the house because I am pretty positive I'm the only one who cares if we live in filth. Yesterday Braelyn noted, since she is on bathrooms this week, that we have a house full of pigs. She only said that because she is responsible for cleaning it up and pointed out that she cleaned it the day before. When I said it needs it again came her clever reply about pigs. I also believe we live in a house of piglets. So, I used to have major OCD and had to have every closet organized and clean, all the tile grout clean, the walls with paint touched up. You should seriously see this house. It's so gross. I do not have time to do those things anymore on a regular basis.
This past month I have obsessed about finding a husband. Major obsessed. I lost my peace. I have been struggling with finances and schedules and for the first time maybe ever, realized I need help. That is not a good feeling. I went to the temple last night for the first time in 3 weeks (it was shut down for two weeks) and I felt an immediate difference. I think the absence of attendance along with no break from my children, an insane and intense schedule the past month, and major emotional pressures weakened me and I found myself veering from my usual peace. I re-evaluated some things last night and am feeling a little more hopeful now. A little.
On a different note, I woke up this morning at 5:30 and stayed awake to tackle my day. I mean, when you wake up and start getting ready at that time shouldn't the day go pretty smooth? Isn't there a rule somewhere that states that?? Well, let's see. After the school drop offs I got home and had an hour to get Bentley ready before we had to take Ken to her doctor appointment. I had already showered and had my hair done (I say that bc it comes in as handy info later). While B ate his cereal I used my new touch up paint (attempt #2 to get the matching color) to cover up the wall in the kitchen. Still don't think it's the same color, ugh. Got him bathed and we were out the door to pick up Ken for the appt. Got to the doctor office and waited ONE HOUR in the room to be seen. She came home early from school yesterday with an upset stomach so to have her out for this long wasn't planned on and she will miss tomorrow to go to Dallas- 3 days in a row not my favorite! Doctor came in to see us and was interrupted with an "emotionally unstable" patient screaming down the hall. Doctor came back in and basically asked me my opinions on the medication that she was the expert on. She also asked me what the plan of action would be as if I KNOW!! ;) We left the crazy place after an hour and a half being there and it was a torrential downpour outside. We got soaking wet and then Ken got mad at me on the way back to school bc I wouldn't take her home to fix her hair. ugh ugh ugh. Now we are back home and we have about 15 more minutes after finishing lunch before it's time to start picking girls up from school. I have not started work, I have a serious mountain of laundry to fold, then we have homework, showers, dinner, and all the kids need to pack for their dad's. I also told the older girls we would go get them another pair of jeans they didn't get before school started. Craziness. And now my hair is frizzy on top of it all! ;)
I need a vacation. Somewhere tropical would be nice. Where the Diet Dr Pepper flows freely and days go as planned. Somewhere where they have a spa and they do your laundry for you.
This past month I have obsessed about finding a husband. Major obsessed. I lost my peace. I have been struggling with finances and schedules and for the first time maybe ever, realized I need help. That is not a good feeling. I went to the temple last night for the first time in 3 weeks (it was shut down for two weeks) and I felt an immediate difference. I think the absence of attendance along with no break from my children, an insane and intense schedule the past month, and major emotional pressures weakened me and I found myself veering from my usual peace. I re-evaluated some things last night and am feeling a little more hopeful now. A little.
On a different note, I woke up this morning at 5:30 and stayed awake to tackle my day. I mean, when you wake up and start getting ready at that time shouldn't the day go pretty smooth? Isn't there a rule somewhere that states that?? Well, let's see. After the school drop offs I got home and had an hour to get Bentley ready before we had to take Ken to her doctor appointment. I had already showered and had my hair done (I say that bc it comes in as handy info later). While B ate his cereal I used my new touch up paint (attempt #2 to get the matching color) to cover up the wall in the kitchen. Still don't think it's the same color, ugh. Got him bathed and we were out the door to pick up Ken for the appt. Got to the doctor office and waited ONE HOUR in the room to be seen. She came home early from school yesterday with an upset stomach so to have her out for this long wasn't planned on and she will miss tomorrow to go to Dallas- 3 days in a row not my favorite! Doctor came in to see us and was interrupted with an "emotionally unstable" patient screaming down the hall. Doctor came back in and basically asked me my opinions on the medication that she was the expert on. She also asked me what the plan of action would be as if I KNOW!! ;) We left the crazy place after an hour and a half being there and it was a torrential downpour outside. We got soaking wet and then Ken got mad at me on the way back to school bc I wouldn't take her home to fix her hair. ugh ugh ugh. Now we are back home and we have about 15 more minutes after finishing lunch before it's time to start picking girls up from school. I have not started work, I have a serious mountain of laundry to fold, then we have homework, showers, dinner, and all the kids need to pack for their dad's. I also told the older girls we would go get them another pair of jeans they didn't get before school started. Craziness. And now my hair is frizzy on top of it all! ;)
I need a vacation. Somewhere tropical would be nice. Where the Diet Dr Pepper flows freely and days go as planned. Somewhere where they have a spa and they do your laundry for you.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Piggyback Prayers
This morning I made an effort to say a prayer (by myself!!!) in my quiet place without kids. I knelt down and begun then quickly heard the door open and little footsteps get closer. Then Bentley climbed up onto my back and stayed there throughout the duration of my prayer. I smile because it's funny and I know God is smiling too. Piggyback prayers will too quickly pass. Perhaps it will be then that I will climb on Bentley's back when he says his prayers. ;)
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Crossroads
I remember several years back during General Conference one of the apostles or possibly President Hinckley spoke about being home, as a mother, at the "crossroads" for your kids. This came to mind as I was praying tonight. That's been the desire of my heart all along & I often lose sight of that. No matter the struggle, I am doing it. I am doing what's most important to me.
A special blessing this week has been Kensington talking to me. She got in the car yesterday with notes written (on her hand, of course) down that she wanted to tell me about. Random things about her day that she didn't want to forget. One thing was about how her teacher teases her for liking the Cowboys. Tonight she came downstairs to talk to me about a phone call she made. It's a new development and means so much & makes me quite happy. :D
A special blessing this week has been Kensington talking to me. She got in the car yesterday with notes written (on her hand, of course) down that she wanted to tell me about. Random things about her day that she didn't want to forget. One thing was about how her teacher teases her for liking the Cowboys. Tonight she came downstairs to talk to me about a phone call she made. It's a new development and means so much & makes me quite happy. :D
Miraculous
Finances are my biggest stress. August was ridiculous to say the least with getting four kids ready to go back to school. My main source of income comes to me two times a month and August I only got paid one of the two. Seriously looking back over the last three weeks makes my stomach sick with how much pressure was on me. I just want to document how miraculous it is that my checking account did not go in the negative. Seriously, miraculous. I am amazed at how Heavenly Father is in the smallest details in my life. On my own I make a real mess out of things. It is by grace that all is well with me and with us. I know it. I see it in my daily life. The miracles did not occur in big flashes of splendor but they came as very small measures that kept my account in the black and they kept occurring. I can't believe that I made it through that and in wild hope I hope I never have to go through anything like it again. But I'm sure I will. I think it comes with the territory. I know God is with me. I am so thankful He is.
I felt inspired last week through a dream and through my sister the following day to "look at the big picture". Since that day I see it everywhere... "look at the big picture". I am trying to be obedient and do the things I should be doing with raising my babies. I truly wish I could provide a little better and easier so the pressure would ease but it's almost out of my control. For now I will try to remember the things that matter most each day.
Sweetness
I know I post a lot about the boy but two is going by too fast! I want to write it all down so we can look back and remember.
Bentley has a new obsession with getting "snacks" on my arms. He starts off by pretending to eat a snack. He will tell us it's a cookie, or brownie, or ice cream. It is all well and good until he bites down and leaves a bruise.
He has been sleeping in my bed lately. Like every night. I never thought I'd be one of those parents who would let my child sleep with me but I got kind of addicted after the first couple times. I LOVE cuddling with him to fall asleep. We sing lots of songs. He is learning the words to those songs while we sing at night. It's very sweet. Out of the blue the other night he rolled over and told me "I love you momma". I loved it. He often will tell me after we talk "ok momma". It is so sweet. Tonight he was talking about the sky and said "airplanes, copters, bright, glasses" all in one sentence. It was so sweet. He tells me during the day that it's so bright and I will hand him some sunglasses. He is so smart.
Today we were dropping off some bags of clothes to Goodwill and the guy came out to help me and looked at my Cowboys sticker and made a comment about it like everyone does. I got back in my car and Bentley had over heard our convo bc he said...
B: "like Cowboys"
me: "yea, we like the Cowboys"
B: "daddy like the Cowboys"
me: "does daddy like the Cowboys"
B: "Bentley likes the Cowboys"
me: "aww yea Bentley and mommy like the Cowboys"
B: "Bentley likes cows"
haha hahaha interesting evolution of conversation!!! :D
He makes my heart happy. My girls make my heart happy.
The girls are doing well with the transition to school. It is so busy, but good. I finally got all the school supply shopping done today (about a week and a half into school). ugh. and yay!
Bentley has a new obsession with getting "snacks" on my arms. He starts off by pretending to eat a snack. He will tell us it's a cookie, or brownie, or ice cream. It is all well and good until he bites down and leaves a bruise.
He has been sleeping in my bed lately. Like every night. I never thought I'd be one of those parents who would let my child sleep with me but I got kind of addicted after the first couple times. I LOVE cuddling with him to fall asleep. We sing lots of songs. He is learning the words to those songs while we sing at night. It's very sweet. Out of the blue the other night he rolled over and told me "I love you momma". I loved it. He often will tell me after we talk "ok momma". It is so sweet. Tonight he was talking about the sky and said "airplanes, copters, bright, glasses" all in one sentence. It was so sweet. He tells me during the day that it's so bright and I will hand him some sunglasses. He is so smart.
Today we were dropping off some bags of clothes to Goodwill and the guy came out to help me and looked at my Cowboys sticker and made a comment about it like everyone does. I got back in my car and Bentley had over heard our convo bc he said...
B: "like Cowboys"
me: "yea, we like the Cowboys"
B: "daddy like the Cowboys"
me: "does daddy like the Cowboys"
B: "Bentley likes the Cowboys"
me: "aww yea Bentley and mommy like the Cowboys"
B: "Bentley likes cows"
haha hahaha interesting evolution of conversation!!! :D
He makes my heart happy. My girls make my heart happy.
The girls are doing well with the transition to school. It is so busy, but good. I finally got all the school supply shopping done today (about a week and a half into school). ugh. and yay!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)