Bentley wishes he was at the 1st Day of School!

These were taken on the girls first day of school.

He cried on the 2nd and 3rd day of school.

When Bella leaves.

And when Ken & Cali leave.

And when we leave Bella after eating lunch with her.

:(

He would cry when Brae leaves but she leaves at 5:45am.

Bentley

Bentley fell asleep going to get Braelyn. He actually stayed asleep from the transfer into the house. :) I love moments like this. I have one of  him sleeping on me at like 5 months and it's really special. I had Brae snap this shot so we could remember. 

Cali re-enacted for us how she is a "wallflower" at school and does this against the wall when walking down the halls with all the kids! Then Bentley wanted to join in the re-enactment! 

Bentley loves his "girls"

First Day of Complete Chaos

This morning we were as prepared as we could be for the first day back to school. It was still hectic! All of us except Bella & Bentley (thank goodness) were up at different times in the night in ainxt of getting up early for this morning. Braelyn slept through her alarm and felt a little rushed. I spent a half hour (since Brae over slept) curling Cali's hair and we seemed rushed to leave on time to take Brae's group to the new high school. She is going to a charter school about 15 minutes down the street and Monday is my day to car pool. Our first pick up was Megan and as we picked her up we got stopped behind a bus. The bus didn't move from that spot. As he got the kids on he asked the parents if these kids were going to Ehrhardt Elementary and asked them for directions to the school! So... we did an Austin Powers maneuver and turned around in our spot and went the other way to pick up Sarah which is like five houses down. Darn bus! We left her house and got Kam and Aaron and proceeded to the school. Seemed that all the bad drivers were out this morning and I forgot my patience at home! The charter school is in the college campus and the college kids went back today too so they had the usual entrance blocked off and the line to get in was a mile long. No lie! Finally got them all dropped off, hit every red light and rushed home to take Ken & Cali to school! Phew! All on almost NO GAS. Which goes into the other story about how for the first time ever I used a gum wrapper to cover up my gas gauge this past Saturday as I drove down to League City bc I knew the gas in my tank had to last me through Tuesday and as I looked at my half a tank of gas my anxiety went through the roof. I am positive my gas light will come on this afternoon. Fortunately I have proven my tank to go at least 30 more miles after that point! ugh. I have been SO stressed out financially lately. It has proven to be not easy to get four kids ready to go back to school. I have not slept well and my stomach has had sharp shooting pains in it from stress. Hopefully it will get better in September when everything calms down.

Here are the pics we got in a jiffy this morning! And Bentley has done pretty well so far without the girls. He has put his hands in his own poopy diaper (again, two days in a row) and has pulled all the blankets out of the closet and has built his own skateboard bridge! ;D Right on track for a GREEEAAT school year if you ask me!

Cali started Junior High today!!!! 

As she and Ken got out of the car and walked away, she looked sooo small. 

:( My tiny girl. 

 Bella is in 4th grade. I remember my fourth grade year very well! 

How does this happen! :D

 Braelyn's first day of High School.

As she and her friends got out of the car and walked away I got a little teary. 

I wasn't anticipating that bc I was so focused on Cali going into 6th. 

Brae looked so happy! :)

Kensy is the big dog on campus in 8th grade! 

I am so glad she is there with Cali this year. 

I know Cali is happy too. :D 

 I know this blog entry sounds very negative but it's my blog and that's ok! :) And it's actually three notches of happy above what I've been the past two weeks! 

Ends

I have been struggling so much the past couple weeks. I feel like I am trying so hard but can't make the ends all meet. What do you do in those moments when you don't have enough to give?

I have felt pressure on all sides. I feel relationship pressures, financial pressures, school pressures, issues people have with me. I honestly feel like I am not the right person for this.

Recognize

I can only recall two times in my life where I have felt a Power greater than me speak through my words. I'm not talking about when I have shared my beliefs and testimony because I feel the Lord's spirit at those times & it brings peace, comfort, and joy. This is a different kind of experience where I feel great strength in one sentence and a force that is more than me. The first time was when I was defending someone I cared about to someone else who was irrational and controlling. It took me back at the power my words brought and the reverent and bowed-down reaction after. Tonight I felt it again when defending truth of a group of people I love dearly to a different controlling source. It takes me back with how awesome the experience is and how much God supports freedom and charity and is against manipulation & people who seek control. I am grateful I could recognize the power being bigger than me. I know Heavenly Father knows me. <3

My Mind

I think I'm going  mad! Two mornings ago I was getting ready for the day and that's when I talk to myself in my head and figure out all my plans and responsibilities for that day. That morning the voices that are in my head going over everything referred to me in third person... one said "I'm sure she will remember that", referring to me remembering something I needed to do later that day!!! What the heck is that all about?!?!

Then, yesterday I went to get a soda at the Sonic drive-thru. One of the young men from our church who is about 18 brought it out to me. I honestly don't know what I was trying to say but as he asked if I needed anything else what came out of my mouth was "no, son". I was so embarrassed!!! I am not even old enough to be his mom and by saying it I felt so old! hahaha