2015 Goals

I started out 2015 with a goal for the year to become healthier and lose weight. Through the stress of the previous years I had gained a lot of extra weight. January through May I had zero carbs. I wouldn't eat fruit or bread. No juice, no soda, no sugar. For real. (Wow! That was pretty intense. haha). May started getting really stressful and I "fell off" the wagon (again and no surprise!) but it's relevant to note I had lost 19 pounds at that point. It's relevant because by the end of 2015 I had put 13 of that back on! :o hahaha

In all seriousness, 2015 did end with me having a great desire to be healthy and "trying" to make better choices and lose the extra weight. Here is me: I can have major self control when I'm in a zone. When I fall off I fall hard. I binge. It's ugly. It's really nonsensical and I believe it to be a form of abuse, though I'm not quite cognizant of "why" the bingeing continues. I've always been an "all or nothing" personality. There has never been a middle ground or moderation for that matter. It scares me. The older I get, the more I see how I am, the more scared it makes me. The reason is because I have no "control" over myself when it get that way.

I started out 2016 with the same goal: to be healthier. I started off with fasting and prayer. I communicated with the Lord what I could see about myself and that no matter how many times I tried (even fasting in the past for help) I failed. No matter what I have done I would eventually "fall". I always fall. BUT I have learned some valuable lessons the past few years in my process of overcoming my soda addiction (in the past I would have a 64oz soda every morning except Sunday before 8:30am and the soda drinking would continue all day). I would start and do well then fall back down but I was always a little stronger when I got back up and began again. Eventually, strong enough to give it up for good. I believe that will be the process with this. After fasting last week for help I had a realization that, for me, "dieting" will not work. The Lord showed me that monitoring my calories and eating healthy and exercising will be my answer. "I" still scare myself but am hopeful the Lord will continue to help me. I find that when I monitor my calories (maybe I will forever have to enter info to my app each day) and exercise I feel better each day. I feel more confident in myself. Jolynn mentioned today that when we recognize our addictions we are free to admit that our addictions are supporting Satan in robbing us of our agency and when we give our addictions to the Lord, He empowers us with more agency. So true. <3