My Cross

It's so hard being a single mom. I use this blog to document my life, whether it's rosy or rough. The past week has been so tough. For the first time in a very long time (if ever) I was tempted to give up. I felt temptations to give in to the pressure and give up twice. I exercised thoughts about what that would feel like. Though the thoughts didn't last even 30 seconds they were evident of a hard time. I felt so much opposition in fact and felt a weight that my situation was not going to be "ok". I couldn't feel "hope". I was doing everything in my power to find peace and to feel hope and promise but I couldn't. My finances hit an unexpected wall and I ended up in the same place I was directly after my separation. The place where you have nothing and don't know how you will survive each day. I wasn't prepared to be back in such a place. It's scary. I felt once again "the rent is paid for April so all is well."Even if other bills were left unpaid.  I have never run out of so many things at the same time and not been able to replenish. So many things. There are many needs that are left undone for today. I am solely relying on the Lord's grace. He will provide. It may not look the way I would like it to but He will. I am trying so hard to stay strong for my kids. I will fight. Matthew 8:34 says "Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me." This is my cross. This is my road to become like God. It's not the way I would choose but it's the path nonetheless.

Thankfully I am a mom. Thankfully I have five healthy children who show me unconditional love and bring immense amounts of joy to my daily life. Thankfully we have each other and are healthy. Rent is paid! ;) All is well. For tonight it is.