I got a very random phone call at the end of my Mother's Day from a really special guy. We dated five years ago and had a pretty powerful & very natural connection. We wanted to get married but distance separated us. When I didn't see a possible way for it to work out I let it go. I have regretted that very much. I have many "what if" moments.
He was the only one who has ever truly seen me for who I am. He sees my heart. He knows me. He is amazing. He's one of those people that you will always love no matter who comes into your life. Because he is that special.
He is engaged to be sealed in the temple next month... not to me! ;)
I am so happy for him but my heart feels tender.
I can't grasp how something that has the potential to be so perfect eternally lets mortal distance keep you from being together. Can someone help me reconcile this thought process? Why does distance keep something so good from happening? Especially when we have eternal perspective. It all comes down to miles when we don't stay here forever??? :( I don't understand... unless simply put it's just not God's plan.
On the radio this morning they were dedicating this day in Houston to be 'White Buffalo' day. I had never heard of this phrase before then but it means "the one who got away". They had callers tell about their white buffalo. It got me thinking about the one I let get away.
It's in Heavenly Father's hands. I took action today to find out if I can leave Texas to move to California but had no luck. If it is God's will then He will have to work a miracle. Before June 29th. I sound like a witch even posting this but he still has feelings for me too, it's just that we both let go to move forward when distance kept us apart. He told me he wishes it was me.
I guess as June 29th comes and goes I will feel peace just knowing I exercised all options and hopefully it will reduce the "what if's" and regrets of letting him go in the first place.
Pretty raw post!
No comments:
Post a Comment