I Guess I Don't Learn Easily

What was I thinking to take all five of my kids (plus a friend) to the mall tonight AGAIN after it didn't go well two weeks ago? Just a glimpse of our trip tonight. When we got to the mall and I pulled Bentley out of his seat he was wet. His diaper leaked and his shorts were wet. I changed him and had to put his shorts back on to go into the mall. He was in a stroller so it didn't matter too much. We got what Ken needed together then she, Brae and her friend went one way and I took the 3 younger kids to get a dress for Cali's graduation. All went well until after she got her dress then was sad that she wasn't getting shoes right then. A promise to get them before the big day didn't seem to suffice. That's when it all started going downhill. I also was running on very little sleep and was exhausted before the trip even began. After the dress I let them play at the mall playplace. When I pulled Bentley out of the stroller his shorts were noticeably wet. So, what's a tired mom with zero patience supposed to do when the 2 year old already got a glimpse of that playplace BUT TO let him go play in a shirt and diaper. I think I was the parent of the year the way other parents looked at me. After a little play time I gathered my kids together to leave the mall and Bentley started screaming and throwing a tantrum about his bum bum hurting. So, I was walking through the mall holding a screaming two year old while pushing the stroller and had both girls upset about something on either side of me. I was already on the verge of a nervous breakdown anyway so none of it was helping. I got to a point where I could call the older girls to tell them it was time to go and through Bentley's screams I could hear Ken say she didn't even find anything to buy. Too bad. We had to go! I walked out the mall in tears. I sobbed on the way home. After we dropped our FRIEND off (totally embarassing by the way) I told the girls to go in and put the younger three to bed and I would be back in a bit. I was going to get a bean burrito at Taco Bell and escape for ten minutes and since the only dinner I had was a sandwich on the run in between a 5th Grade Party planning meeting and the mall to get my kids what they needed. As I told them that I get lip from my oldest about what time I would be home (because she wanted me to watch our show together. I felt like once again someone was only concerned about themselves). As I questioned her attitude it got worse where she was just getting out of my car before it was time then I called my getaway off and MORE tears came (from me! ha). It was horrible. The entire experience. I feel like I give everything to them, to always try to make them happy. No matter what I do, someone isn't happy. Someone still wants more. I wasn't in the right either. It's the next day now and as I pondered before bed what had happened I realized I expect perfection from myself and I am so not perfect. I wish I could have had more patience and been more loving in the mall. Too bad I'm so human, huh. Nice post, eh! Just keeping it real. Definitely not all sunshine and lollipops our way. My poor kids got a mouthful from me last night. Not very Christ-like.