Texas, My Love

Texas makes me happy everyday. 

"Waters of Shiloah"

My life is surrounded with the "waters of Shiloah".

They represent the continuous tender care that the Lord provides for his people as he seeks to lead them with gentle promptings of the Spirit.

<3
Isaiah 8
2 Nephi 18

The Miracle of Love

The amazing thing about love is that it doesn't require you take from one to love another. Love is added upon. This is the miracle. Your heart enlarges with more to give. I was pondering this tonight in reference to my children. I remember being concerned right before Kensington was born that I wouldn't be able to love the new baby possibly as much as I loved Braelyn. My heart couldn't fathom how love truly works. Then I was astounded when Ken came how miraculous it was that my heart grew instantly with just as much love for both. I didn't take any away from Brae. Each of my babies are special & I love them all equally. This concept is how Heavenly Father loves all His children with the same love & how each are different, yet divinely special.

May I Always Remember

When Cali started school Bella was 3 and was home with me during the day. The time flew by and left me with a sweet memory of how we would come home in the mornings and she would drink her juice on the couch and watch Dora. I really missed that as she got older.

Now, Bentley is two. Most everyday this summer he and I would sit at least once a day on the couch and watch Einsteins, while he had a cup of juice and we would cuddle. He puts his little feet in between my legs and sometimes when I am lucky he wraps his fingers around a couple of mine. In those moments life doesn't get any better. And sometimes when he sits on the floor and watches Einsteins (notice how we are getting further and further away from the worst show ever, Yo Gabba Gabba) I will come spoon around him and lay there and watch him watch. I love him so much. He has captured my heart in every way. And even though he is horribly cranky and stubborn I know this time will quickly pass and I am soaking up the small moments. <3

Balancing Act

This summer has been really hard for me to take care of Bentley AND work. Now that I am getting my helpers back I feel torn. It's so hard to be a full time mom and to have work that needs to be done. I feel guilty either way. If I am working I feel like I need to be spending time with my kids and if I spend time with my kids then work is being neglected.

I am the first to admit I don't know how to do this!

One thing I've realized this summer is that I want to live more. My life has been governed by intense stress and with all my responsibilities I have forgotten what it's like to live each day and to have some spontaneous moments. I miss that and I want it back and I will get it back. That's my new goal.

Still don't have a clue how to do both mom & work but I will live more again. <3

Bed Buddy

The sweetest thing happened last night. Bentley is now climbing out of his own bed. In the morning he has been coming out on his own but for the first time in the middle of the night he came out into my dark room and called my name while holding his hands up to get in bed with me. In my sleepy stupor I scooped him up and into my arms and we restlessly slept that way through the rest of the night. It made my heart happy. He's in the terrible two's but not all of it's bad of course! I love when he cuddles with me while watching his shows. I love how much he's communicating with me. I've taught him to say "you make my heart happy" or "happy heart". :) <3

Kensington flew home today for a dr appt tomorrow. It was so sweet when she came off the plane. Bentley was so excited for "Dee-Dee" and he reached out for her to hold him as soon as he saw her. It was really touching. We miss the girls. HE misses the girls. We get the other 3 back in a week and a half.

Confused

I can understand how difficult it would be for someone who suffers amnesia to re-build their life. Confusion doesn't feel good at all. I know it's not of the Lord. I recently experienced some confusion of my own and respectively it was not at all the same as someone who  has amnesia but my heart was softened because this confusion effected my heart & life a great deal.

I won't go into specifics of what it pertained to but my heart was so certain on something and felt so good about it to only find utter confusion where peace once was. The confusion really took me back and was completely unexpected. I felt myself in the most bizarre situation because I found myself not having a will of my own. I have never felt anything like it. CONFUSED!!!

Confusion is  not of the Lord and in and of itself is a warning to me. As I struggled last week for guidance I felt none regarding the matter. Through all the caring and loving voices that surround me I was finding no peace. I heard what my loved ones were suggesting but truly only sought to find the will of Heavenly Father. I couldn't even figure out what I wanted. Finally I made a choice based on knowing that confusion wasn't a "green light" to move ahead. I made a call and since doing so I have felt peace.

Life is so hard.

Happy 4th

To celebrate the 4th we went out to Josh & Catherine's house in Liberty. I was really grateful to not be alone on the holiday and always have fun with Shannon & Jared & Josh & Catherine and their families. 

Not gonna lie... it was a LOT of work out there though. Josh owns his own artillery and since his kids are all older it wasn't very "baby proof". By baby proof I mean there were possibly guns and knives laying around at different times throughout the day... as well as ponds and all sorts of dangers for small children. ;) hahah

This was us playing on the back patio. These two friends love each other (when they're not beating the crap out of one another)! 

BIG smiles

Josh spent a small fortune on a fireworks display and he even blared some amazing music on his loud speakers outside. It was quite the impressive show! 

This is where we ended up with the boys because it was so loud and scary outside! 

This is a shot of how happy Asher-B was during the firework show. 

AND... this was Bentley. As far away in the corner of the room as he could get AWAY from the fireworks! 

Before we came inside he and I were doing a sparkler together and a spark flew up and burned his knee pretty good. It was all bubbled up and burned in the middle of it. :(

We were completely exhausted by the time we left that night! 

Good Times, Good Times!

Happiness

I have had my testimony strengthened lately regarding happiness. When we follow the commandments and truly strive to be obedient to the Lord we are happy. Genuinely happy. At one time I thought we were happy because we felt peace but it's more than that. We feel a happy emanating from inside because it is God's divine design in how we were created. It is affixed on our obedience. When we obey, we are happy. It is a beautiful and powerful concept.

Things As They Really Are

As long as I can remember I was a strong believer that "things happen for a reason". I still believe they do & the Lord guides us through life but I've learned through a lot of counseling to see things AS THEY REALLY ARE now and to stop affixing my own meaning to events. I have stopped speculating what things mean and have learned to let God be my God. Along with this is to make sure I keep all relationships and events and behaviors true and not cover up anything/turn my head to excuse behavior or what I DON'T WANT TO SEE. From now on I am committed to keep it all real & true, even if that means something I really, really want isn't going to work out. If something isn't good for me or my babies, I am committed to letting it go. I just wanted to document my progress because most definitely, this hasn't always been my case. <3

Blue Bell Bliss

I've never met one person who doesn't LOVE <3 Blue Bell ice cream! 

It's the best ice cream in the whole world! 

My friend invited Bentley and I to go with her today to the BBFactory! 

It was better than Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. 

 They do not allow photos to be taken on the tour due to employee privacy! Psssh! In the day of "FACEBOOK" who needs privacy! 

But these were taken at the end of the tour when we got free ice cream! 

We had (hopefully I can remember them all):

Cotton Candy

Mint Chocolate Chip

Summer Berries (Christa's favorite from the day)

Key Lime Pie

Cookies 'N Cream

Homemade Vanilla with Peach Cobbler (My favorite from the day)

Blackberry Cobbler

 HEAVEN! 

We learned that the half gallons with the brown lids have more ingredients added and cost a little more than those with the gold lids! 

I have never even noticed there were two different colored lids before.

Our guide told us the top 5 selling flavors are:

1) Homemade Vanilla

2) Dutch Chocolate

3) Cookies 'N Cream

4) The Great Divide

5) Neopolitan

 Christa and her adorable niece with the girls

 Bentley's girlfriends

'Vannah

 Lil

 So sad too bad to all the white and non-existent states that don't get Blue Bell.

The guide said anywhere in the US you can get Blue Bell on the menu at Outback Steakhouse, Carrabas (I think) and Cracker Barrel. She said they serve Homemade Vanilla.

 Classic

Blue Bell is Texas at its finest!