If Dr. Seuss Wrote 1 Nephi in the Book of Mormon

Nephi: Of goodly parents I was born. I've never drunk, I've never sworn. This is Lehi, he's my dad. Laman, Lemuel, they are bad! And who is this? Why this is Sam

Sam: Yes, this is Sam; Sam I am. 

Laman: That Sam I am, that Sam I am I do not like that Sam I am. 

Sam: In a tent my father dwelt.

Lemuel: And it's so hot, I think I'll melt. Our father's brain is out of what,

Laman: Yeah, it's too hot, I'm going back.

Lehi: Then go and get the plates my dear.

Laman: On second thought, I'm staying here.

Nephi: You said you'd leave and go away, Now all you want to do is stay?

Lemuel: That Nephi always gets his way! 

Laman: Here we are in this damp cave.

Sam: We would not be here if you'd behave!

Nephi: I will go and I will do... There's an angel, that's my cue. Laban's had too much to drink. Now he'll lose his head I think. Look what I found, a brother from the quorum. 

Sam: We will take him home, we'll call him Zoram.

Laman: Our gold and silver we have spent. I do not like it in this tent.

Lemuel: I cannot read the Liahona. I must have drunk too much Corona.

Laman: We hate it here, we have no lives.

Lehi: Then go back to the city and get some wives. A tree, a tree, I see a tree!! The fruit is white, the fruit is free. A floating building, could it be? Why do they laugh and stare at me? Laman, Lemuel, come and see!

Laman: We will not eat your precious fruit. 

Lemuel: We will not wear a tie and suit. 

Laman: We will not help you build your boat. 

Lemuel: We do not think that it will float. 

Laman: No not this boat, it will not float. Not even in a shallow moat. I do not care what Nephi wrote.

Lemuel: We will not eat your fruit I say. 

Laman: We will not eat it on a tray. 

Lemuel: Aand we won't eat it in a tent, not even if your clothes are rent. 

Laman: We'd rather have a can of spam, we will not eat it, Sam I am. 

Sam: You do not like it, so you say, try it, try it, and you may. Try it and you may I say.

Laman: Sam, if you will let us be, we will try it, you will see.

Lemuel: Say, we like this fruit of life!, sorry that we caused such strife. You've saved us from an awful jam, Thank you, Thank you, Sam I am