Purpose

My little buddy, Mees, has been coming over early in the mornings this summer. We always take a run through the McDonalds drive thru to get my liquid addiction (really that's another post for another day) and this morning we also ran to the bank. On my way to the bank I was thinking about my trial and how I can already feel a small portion of it's possible purpose. I had a feeling come over me earlier this week of pure joy, of exalting hope of happiness and the possibility of finding love again. I haven't found it yet but I had a moment where I felt what it would be like and knew of a hope for my future. I liked the feeling. I was thinking this morning that we go through hardships that we may know the joy and the joy feels better. There's a quote on that principle and I WILL find it!!! So, I believe that for me passing through hard times will be beneficial in finding my lasting joy later. 


Also, I have truly felt the power of empathy lately. I know I posted about my massage therapist and how she understood what I was going through. I am so appreciative of my family and friends who sympathize with me, they carry me through my trials. And I'm very thankful for women who can empathize because they often bridge the gaps from where I would like to be and getting there. I have a good friend now who is also going through a break up. I don't know if my empathy will help her but there are chances I will have in the future to help others as I've been helped. 


I know my understanding is limited and minute but I'm grateful for the insights I've had and a feeling of purpose in my trials. As I was sitting at the bank I read this on my friend's "The Facebook" (just for you!) and it was the perfect quote for today's revelations: 


"Everybody in this life has their challenges and difficulties. That is part of our mortal test. The reason for some of these trials cannot be readily understood except on the basis of faith and hope because there is often a larger purpose which we do not always understand. Peace comes through hope."
--James E Faust

Expectations...

I just realized today that my expectations and my reality are on two different pages. I woke up this morning and seriously thought I'd finish four boards (two of which are really difficult) and a vinyl wall decal AND watch two babies and finish another order for a customer and go swimming with my friends AND water the foundation AND have it all done in time to go to the post office by 5. AND I'm sick and feeling drained.

Why in the crap do I ever think I can do so much?! ha Perhaps it's time to re-evaluate some things... yeah.

{C}

Pretty much my most favorite picture of him yet! 

LoVE!!! 

He's Arrived

Bentley

13 months

Terrible Two's.

Need I say more?? 

I Got Lucky

When we drove down to Galveston Beach in May I got pulled over by a police officer and was given a warning (thank goodness) to put a front license plate on my car. I looked and looked and couldn't find that plate so I had to make a trip to the Tax Collector's office. I was told by a friend to take my proof of insurance and registration and go in. So I headed over without much preparation. I took Bentley without shoes and without snacks and as I got to the office I found I didn't even have a current insurance card (why not?!? I have no idea) and my registration sheet is my old one BUT I felt lucky and went in with what I had.... to find the line a mile long. Literally. We waited for an hour and I knew there was a chance I wouldn't even have what was needed and may have to come back a different day. It didn't take long before Bentley wanted down! Without shoes. On the hard and dirty floor. I became "that mom" with "that baby" as he started throwing his tantrums when I would try to pick him up OR move him. The video is just a little shot of him showing off and doing his OWN thing. He is a persistent little bugger. After an hour in line (and after we pulled off a little throw up as drool and much screaming from baby) we got new plates! And for cheap. All the worker needed to see was my vin # and license and he pulled up my info (which is what I was hoping for!) I felt SO lucky and happy after that. I knew I could have taken my luck to Vegas at that point. But I don't have any money and I don't gamble. haha

I Don't Believe in Coincidence

I went in for a massage last Thursday night because I was in a ton of pain in my shoulders and neck. I found out quickly that the massage therapist was a single mom too and after only a couple minutes I discovered that she and I just went through the exact same kind of relationship that led to divorce for her too. I've been struggling lately to take the next step in moving forward and after talking to her I was given a sense of perspective and hope and a jolt of inspiration. It's not often that I meet a woman who can completely relate and understand because she's been in the exact spot I have. I know my friends and family have inspiring and truthful advice for which I do listen and am grateful but there's something to be said about advice coming from someone who knows what I'm feeling. To listen to her knowledge from being in my same exact position moved something inside of me. It gave me confidence and an awakening. I am amazed at the people that are put in our paths when we least expect it. It wasn't coincidence. It came at a time that I needed it most. The Lord is good to me.

Just Learning

I've learned a whole lot in the past ten months. It's been like a jolt of knowledge. Some of it I wish I didn't have to learn the way I have but I can be thankful for it.

I recognized recently that I've always gained my self worth by what other people think of me. My entire life I've based how I've felt about myself on whether or not I've pleased others that day. I've always needed to have peace in all my relationships so that I could feel good about myself. While that is a good attribute to have to an extent, it isn't what our worth should be based on. I've always told people yes when asked to do something even if it wasn't best for me. Once I recognized that I'm the only one who can take care of my needs I've learned to recognize this more and more and I don't do it anymore.

I know this is a hard time but I'm thankful for what I'm learning about myself and gaining a relationship with me.