Our (scratch that, my...) finances this month are flat out Ugly, with a capital "U"! It is embarrassing what I have to do to take care of my family. Or humbling I guess. I will not write about borrowing $15 from my kid's birthday money to buy groceries or the tears I cry in fear for how I will provide, especially this month. May has had so much extra. I don't want to go into detail but I want to share that having hope is a lot of hard work. Hope is a continuous decision we must make to trust and pray and keep doing all we can. I have been down in a depression but don't like it there. All I want is to be able to provide groceries and gas and pay our bills and take care of our needs.
When I was pondering on this last week I naturally started (and always do) to feel ashamed (when I can't make ends meet). I don't know why I do this (and I assume others do too) except as head of the household I know the responsibility is on me and no one else. It occurred to me that I am doing everything I can. I am working my vinyl company, working for Fast Track Swimming doing admin. stuff, and babysitting full time out of the home right now, all while my full time school is out of session. I am trying my best... and I realized that though our circumstance is ugly, there is no shame in it. I am raising a family and there is nothing more important than that. No church calling, no career, no amount of money, can replace the work I am doing.
I will feel much better about that epiphany when I can pay all my bills. ;) lol I am hoping the summer will bring in better income as I expect it should.
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